Wise One,
I have been studying so much. For starters, I have been exploring the concepts of values, virtues, ethics/morals, and character. It all leads to so many questions I need to take the time to reflect on, such as, what are my values and why? The same goes for virtues and morals, which all leads to how they make up my character.
As far as my self discovery books, well I learned something about myself but in an unexpected way. You see this chapter was on fear, and how it blocks us from living the lives we want/doing we want. For me, I couldn't relate that much to this chapter.
Yes, I have fears. I fear having another psychotic break and ending up in the mental hospital even though I have been stable for years. I am afraid of violence. I am also afraid of old age and what comes after death.
However, I no longer allow these fears to govern my life. For the most part, I've always taken action despite my fears (like joining the military, asking my husband on our first date etc).I recognize I once allow it to control me, when I was so afraid of facing my trauma (and the feelings associated) I decided to work as hard and as much as I could. For a while, working multiple jobs distracted me from my feelings and problems. In the end, the feelings built up to the point where no amount of work was enough to distract me, and I began having intense flashbacks and nightmares. Shortly after, that is when I had that break.
As a result, I learn the hard way I couldn't run from my fears or let it control how I live my life. After a few years of recovery, and truly facing/coping with my trauma, I began applying those lessons to other aspects of my life.
Now, I feel it is important to acknowledge and respect fear, as it is an emotion that tries to keep us safe. We should acknowledge it, examine the root of it. However, fear should not dictate our lifestyle, or stop us from pursuing goals. Long story short, I do not believe we should rid ourselves of fear, nor should we allow it to completely control us.
Before this chapter, I did not think to deeply about my relationship with fear. However, now that I think of it,I am proud of how far I have come. Now,though I still have fears, I feel free.
This goes into studying Buddhism. All my childhood I was taught Christianity, and the consequences of not accepting Jesus. Following other religions are also a path to damnation. As a result of the concept of hell being so deeply ingrained into my life, I do fear it.
However, there are just too many aspects of Christianity I feel skeptical about, and others I just can not accept. I could not live a life just blindly following a set of beliefs just because a preacher/scripture says so. Especially when those beliefs are used to justify harming others.
In the end, I studied many different religions and beliefs as I've expressed in previous letters even though it sometimes scares me to do so. What I read today really cements why I am so attracted to Buddhism.
Basically, in this chapter Buddha states, " do not believe in things because it is repeated often, it is tradition, rumors, scriptures, surmise, axiom, suspicious reasoning, bias, or because the person who said it seems competent/educated, or because they are a monk or teacher...
Only believe when you yourself know these things are good, not blameable, praised by the wise, undertaken and observed, and lead to benefit and happiness."
Isn't it beautiful? One of the few faiths that encourages you to think for yourself and be skeptical. Though I do not necessarily consider myself Buddhist, I am already finding so much wisdom in these teachings.