Dear Diary,
Baby girl;
Listen please for the love of god or whatever the hell you put all your love into for once please listen to me , he doesn't fucking care, he never fucking did and never fucking will he. Deep down in the biggest part of yourself I think you already knew that this whole time. You're a very intelligent person so its almost impossible you didn't see it.
Honestly the problem you seem to find within yourself is accepting the fact that HE JUST DOESNT FUCKING CARE. And baby I know you have this undying unwavering hope that if you just be patient with him enough, if you just love him hard enough and try to prove you're self hard enough that he eventually will.
However I find it pretty obvious that you have found that he doesn't even awknowledge all the time and freedom and undying love you have put into trying to make him happy. Or how much you've cried while begging him to realize he's more important to you than yourself could ever be.
The heart broken look on your face is telling me you feel like you're wasting your time and have been doing so for a while now.
I know how you are feelin you are wishing that you never stepped foot out of your door that rainy day so you never met him.
You're wishing that when he messaged your phone you pretended you didn't see and ignored him or rather like ever other guy you blow off just have left him on seen.
You're blaming yourself for expecting anything different and and actually believing he would care for you the way you've always dreamed.
You're cussing yourself for getting attached when over and over you have seen this same damn thing.
So Babygirl lemme tell you something and please for once listen to me, if he can fall asleep while you are lying in bed beside of him knowing you're crying, knowing you're the farthest thing from okay that you can be, and knowing that you're fucking broken instead of happy then baby doll he's not your king, move on. He's showing you that no matter how much your heart is hurting he would rather sleep than tell you how much your simple boring life has meaning. Don't prioritize him when he isn't treating you like even one of his goddamn priorities.
Don't make someone feel important when he doesn't treat you any different from anyone else he knows to even show you you're special. And please please don't ever give someone your whole entire being when he is giving you nothing in return.
Because darling listen to me you are a queen with the heart of a warrior, you are worth so much more than this bullshit you are settling for.
I know you don't seem to find that you are worth more than this because of something you have done in the past or may be you're used to being treated like nothing or maybe your choice of lifestyle isn't the best so you think you deserve to be punished.
But please god listen to me I am begging you . NOONE ON THIS EARTH IDGAF WHO THEY ARE OR WHAT THEYVE DONE . NO ONE ever deserves to be begging for love from someone they've given there all too, no one deserves to have there heart broken so much they fall to the floor bruising they're knees screaming WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME. And id be fucking go to hell and back if anyone deserves to be begging for god to just fucking let them die so they can leave. No one deserves that shit baby doll especially not you fuck that you're a bad bitch a motherfucking queen realize this know this and embrace this. I mean this shit.
Sincerally yours,
Your heart before it was broken.
May, 26 2020