May 02, 2020

 

TO MYSELF


I have wanted to jornal for many times but i have never been serious about it. i keep forgetting to write or i keep saying nah i don't need it. But in reality i really do. I don't have many people to tell my story , and deffiniatly not any parent who understands me. So I really am a person who needs to write. Not only that but to keep a routine and be proud of myself for taking care of myself. I want to be a person that can be happy and confident. I can help myself with writing what I feel and what I want to say


Who knows I might read all of this in the future and think wow, i have been torugh things , i have changed.

Not only that but I feel like i don't know myself. I keep copying other people that i
I think are cool but it's a temporary thing. i can easily change my personallity which is very weird and manipulative.
And yes lying is my best trait, i am so good in lying that i almost believe myself.
Overall all i want to achieve with writing is to feel better and learn more about myself. I have heard from someone who wasn't funny before but since his parents told him he wasn't funny he kept working on himself and he started loving himself more too.
That is what i am working towards I will tolerate all this , It can only get better from now it was already bad to begin with how can it get worse?
It can only become better and tommorow will be a better day too.
I want to set a few rules of writing
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I am writing for myself and my health if i don't do it then that means i Don't care about me.
I will write allot until i can't write anymore
Even if i can't get another hobby or routine atleast I will have this, atleast I will have self knowledge and i will know myself better than anyone else.
I felt so unhappy and i never knew why but the reason is because I dont work for myself, I do nothing for myself I feel like im worthless.
But realising that makes it so much better for me because now I know what the problem is and now i can fix it.
No more boys over myself. From now on it will be selfcest and selfcest only. I will only love myself and I will do anything to be healthy and pretty and feel good even if it means to hurt other people rahter than myself ùthey can suffer now. I am done.
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