Dear Diary, I'm Mave and this is my first time using this app. I wanted to have a new outlet for my daily experiences and emotions. I could do it privately but somehow I thought that it would be more meaningful to share myself. I want to not only help myself but also connect with other people who might feel that same way or experienced the same things as me.
This first month of quarantine, I've been doing GOOD but not GREAT. I've been able to start a few things I wanted to do but wasn't able to because of med school. For example, since March 20 I've been doing intermittent fasting which really made my body feel at it's peak. I'm proud of myself for not having any cheat day for almost a month now and I'm now used to this diet which makes me happy.
But what really bothers me for a long LONG time now is finding myself again. Last year I experienced a total burn out emotionally because of family problems and additional stress from my last year in university, which made it harder to handle.
I used to be so bright and eager to learn. I used to be so positive and I believed that I can do anything I set my mind into. I've always been one of the top students in highschool and college. I even used to do frequent peer tutorials, other school programs and from time to time even outside projects for charity. I used to do all of those with such enthusiasm because learning and helping others gave me so much happiness.
I used to know who I am, but now I feel that I've LOST the ME I used to be. For almost a year now I've been trying to be myself again. To reach ME. It's so hard to help others when I can't even HELP MYSELF first. And it's especially HARDER to TRULY LOVE others when I don't even LOVE MYSELF fully.
Even now, all my attempts were failures. Now during quarantine, I want to try again. I want to be me again especially now that I've started med school. This dream of being a doctor and to help others when I can't even help myself now, seems so sad. I'll do my best. I WISH by the end of this, I'll finally be back.