Dear Diary, I am starting to write this blog and diary out of a internal need to share certain experiences I had until I do live in London that’s all you need to know. This is to just release anonymously my inner tension and frustration about certain occurrences which happens to me. To start I am a fairly attractive and beautiful lady in my early 40s. I know it sounds old reading this but it’s not. Time flies I was 20 basically yesterday. Never married or got any children. Not even I miss having them I actually never thought I had the energy to be a mum. Also I never met a guy; I did feel like I could trust him to be there in good and bad times. Yeah men. I am hetro btw. I am not on a good foot with them to be honest. I dont think all men are bad nevertheless my experiences were not great. I am the kind of girl who hides behind a big pair of glasses to keep the idiots away. I am at that point. the journey of my diary will be love, pain, positivity and suffering. Life really. This is just the start. I will start with my most recent experiences which will be shocking to some. And no I have not reported them to the authorities and I never will properly. I was raped by I guy I was in secretly love with for 8 years. He stalked me for over 2 years now ( that I am aware of) and he broke into my flat and my friends flat to embrace me at night, to kiss me and to tell me he loved me and in autumn 2018 he managed to drug me in my sleep and raped me. He may had done this more times. I take sleeping tablets to cope. I am trying to get therapy. I have also tried to talk to people they never believed me. He is very popular in the East London art scene. He is a curator and event organizer. The friend I spoke to denies it and she said I don’t believe this is made up; however I can’t believe it’s him and she asked me to not get involved. One girl ( I don’t even know her) even reported this to him after I send her an anonymous message - to be careful. This girl really shocked be to be honest as she is all over the fact she was in an abusive relationship and promotes woman rights on social media/ Instagram. It makes you think about the realness of people. He obviously came back to me, debating he knows me properly and also saying those are all lies, after I have sent an antonymous message. Interesting. This is going to be a long story and I have a lot of time to write...