Dear Diary,
I swallowed too much no I swallowed more than much till I had to explode and both my heart and mouth couldn't bear a second more . We can't force circumstances to work without the collaboration of the surroundings. This is so hard and risky; the losses are more than the gains and no one will ever bet on a burnt card, relationship, or a person, but I did. What occurred to me was an eye opener or maybe a shock to all my sentiments; i was the dumb kid who chose a grey path full of cloudy fog believing that i can bring a dim light to it. Yes, it was me and my stupid goodness; we bet on my success and how hard am gonna work, and the amount of things I will provide forgetting that it's not about what you provide more than what you receive, and life isn't just about giving. I suddenly heard a distant voice, yet too close. That voice told me to take nah it's more of taking the same amount am giving. I finally chose to open both eyes not just that, but I knew that only .. only agony and pain will accompany the full truth. The truth I've been blind to, the truth of us, our relationship, and our nature; we are no longer able to fulfill the vows we once promised to keep. We don't belong to each other no more, but I refused to believe that. I wasn't sure if I will ever be able to handle pain,loss, or even us being apart but again who can !! I stared at the sky trying to find an answer to my infinite number of wonders. Will the pain ends ? Will I find myself? Salvation and justice ? or everything I've been wishing for is just like Godot who will never appear or exist except only on my mind.