December 25, 2019
So im the black sheep in a black sheep family... When something bad happens the way i find out is thru a Facebook post or comment on a friend or family menbers page... Imnthe family member that doesnt even get so much of a trxt wishing a merry christmass or happy holidays or even so much as a happy birthday... Ive learned to understand... Accepted... Even though at times i still tend to still question and hurt over it...
I feel.. Defeated... Totally and utterly defeated... I feel like a new rabbit hole has opened an i've started falling down it quickly...
Nothing is funny to me... I can feel the numbness seeping into my soul slowly... I can feel mysrlf slipping back angood few steps... Atleast while whileim dealing and processing the news i had to find out thru social media because no body felt I deserved the time it woukd have taken to send a text or call... Again i get it...i understand.. Had it not been for my fuckups an selfishness... You wouldn't have been in the pedrictment I put you in... And I'm not going keep apologizing for something I know ive proven myself time and time again... I also understand that as frustrated as in get... I have to hr understanding whether I like it or not an know its going to take them time to truat that... But this news... This news no matter what should have been releayed to me... If you felt I had no right to have an opinion about the situation in am understanding to tuat.. But to not tell me... This... This made me realize just how much of a black sheep I am... How little I matter... Just how unforgiving you can be...
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