December 18, 2019

Dear Diary,right now I just want to go somewhere away from everything and just scream my heart out, and then cry and cry and cry and cry. I feel like everything is on my shoulders. I hate my job but it's the only job that will pay me more than minimum wage that I don't need a degree for. I am grateful for the opportunity, and the ability to grow, but I am just not happy where I'm at right now. I'm able to grow my knowledge, but not a whole of growth financially which is what I really really need right now. I wish I had moved to Idaho to be with my family, but at the same time I'm glad I didn't because I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter. I'm just so tired right now, I want to go home and sit in my bed in the dark and cry, but I can't afford it. I'm so tired of having a fake happy face on all the time but nobody cares enough to listen to my problems. And I would only tell people of my problems for the possibility of someone feeling sorry enough for me to fix them, but like I said nobody cares. Add on top of the fact that's almost Christmas and we can't afford shit. Needless to say I'm a bit of a Grinch this Christmas. I'm just angry and frustrated and........I don't know what else. I just want to be alone for a bit and cry.