December 02, 2019


Dear Chloe, 

Today was good. Well tonight was good. I went to my company's Christmas party, I was so nervous to go but my therapist said that i need to put myself in uncomfortable social situations. Which is what i did tonight. By the way its 12:30 am and i just got home. It was fun, i got there at 7 and so did another girl. We hung out for like 2 hours before the rest of out store came. When they did we sat at a table and talked and ate. This was where all the corporate people were. And they had this thing were they gave flowers to some special employees. The we all went downstairs and had some drinks. Once people started coming and thr room filled up, it became like a club. Full of 20 somethings people,music from the 2010 till now and girls dancing in a very sexual way. ( which was how i was dancing, no shame) It was so fun. So this is how i explain the way this party went. So its like dirty dancing, the movie from the 80's. And so in the dining room were all the rich and old and rich. They danced very slow like the walzs, just slow ballroom dancing that is boring. Then, the servants dance, grinding up on each other, fast and wild. They listen to loud, fast music. That how it was all the old people upstairs and the young banished downstairs. Like it cause it was like a club but not creepy guys trying to grind up on me. 

So before i left my mom brought up that i missed my big last test for my lab, and she wanted me to email my teacher to see of i can do anything. But i didn't because i know that the lab has to been done in the lab and i can't so..... but i think that i set my self up for failure, i hurt myself, i sabotage myself. And now i have this final and i need to study ahaha i just want to do it study and i am nervous. i don't know why. I am scared really Scared i don't know if i am strong enough. 

I need to sleep, i will keep you  updated 

PS. I am in the same company as my cousins girlfriend like what are the odds 

Ok OK goodnight