December 01, 2019 College app madness


Dear Diary,


I'm going crazy over here... I'm staring at a bunch of deadlines, and I still feel like I'vent gotten any work done. 

I've finished a draft of my SOP. I don't even want to go back to it, it feels so cringy. I just want to curl up into a ball and go sleep under a rock. And maybe a million years later an archeologist can discover my fossil and exhibit in the National History Museum.

Nowadays I spend a lot of time in the evening lying in the bed, staring at the ceiling and wonderingg...Sometimes my confidence takes over me and I feel like I can do anything. And then, I go over successful essays and resumes of past applicants, and I feel like a loser. I feel like I'm doing all these projects so that the adcom can go over them, laugh and wonder, how did she even have the audacity to consider applying to this school? That would break my heart.

My LORs are another story altogether...I have this premonition that something terribly wrong will happen in the last moment and mess up something.  Maybe someone will mention the wrong school or wrong department in the letter,..and then I'll have to spend another week going back and forth over mail trying to correct things....

I'd love to drink something to calm my nerves, but I'm stuck at home, so that'snot happening. :/