November 13, 2019
Things are gettong better... I started a new job working nights an uve been working on readjusting... I feel like ive hit the roommate lottery... And thd injunction on justin is good for a year...
But it seems like crowds are causing me to break sooner.. And i had a panic attack full blown during sex.. I realize ill never feel normal and things will get easier... But to feel like my inner soul has been competely ripped from me and the pieces scattered all around are missing... Its hard.. An i feep so embarrsed.. That i know slmething that was meant as an honest joke out of fun jus made me feel the pieces of my soul that were ripped out smashed and missing... Its hard... I feel ashamed for lettong someone get to me that bad... I feeo ashamdd for feeling like i ruined an amazing time with someone who was being patient an making me feel sensations i havent felt in a very long time...
I feel like during my climb from one rabbit hole ive fallen head first into another rabbit hole...
But it seems like crowds are causing me to break sooner.. And i had a panic attack full blown during sex.. I realize ill never feel normal and things will get easier... But to feel like my inner soul has been competely ripped from me and the pieces scattered all around are missing... Its hard.. An i feep so embarrsed.. That i know slmething that was meant as an honest joke out of fun jus made me feel the pieces of my soul that were ripped out smashed and missing... Its hard... I feel ashamed for lettong someone get to me that bad... I feeo ashamdd for feeling like i ruined an amazing time with someone who was being patient an making me feel sensations i havent felt in a very long time...
I feel like during my climb from one rabbit hole ive fallen head first into another rabbit hole...
S
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