September 30, 2019

 

Bent not broken


I have to remind myself... Im not broken... Im Bent... Its such a blessing to feel like you can finally just talk... Not argue... Not worry if he feels you should jus keep quit after everything... That he just wanted you to stand up for urself... And really mean it... And really stick to it... Because god forbid if he ever did leave he doesnt want another asshole coming in and putting his hands on you... And taking every piece of your soul away... And because of what you went thru in your past with your x husbands.. He knew it was going to take this severe of handling to get it thru your stubborn head that you are worth ot... That you do not have to put up with such things.. That because you had put up with it for over 10 years and 2 ex husbands ... And lost everything including your family... Your kids... Your friends... Your diginity... Yourself...

I seem to learn the hard way... I am stubborn... And i am so tired of being beaten and told im not good enough... And even though i felt like i had completly broken at the moment... I finally gained a piece.. A small piece but a piece of myself back...

Yes i have to keep going... Yes i have many more changes to make and im compeltly scared out of my mind... I feel ive climbed from the pit of my rabbit hole just high enough to see the light at the end of the tunnel... I still have to tell myself im worth it everyday... But for the small victory that he helped me accomplish... It feels amazing... Not only that... To have someone fight for you because you gave up on yourself to help get you to that light...

For the first time in a very long time... I dont feel alone... And i have someone who picked up his sword an stood next to me... For my most important battle... To won myself back...
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