Dear Diary,
Its been long once again, I haven't written.
Many things to tell you.
I came to Rajasthan, stayed only for a day. In train now. Came to drop di here. It's kohinoor's first bday today, but I am not staying. I forgot it while booking tickets. 😑
Past one month has been wonderful, with babu being at home. I saw mom always busy, like always. I think together they made atleast 25 dresses while di was here.
They made kohinoor's rainbow dress too. She looks too pretty in it.
Once again going back to office. I don't feel lazy in office these days, I feel like working more. Want to add more products, I think partially its because I see more efforts from sandeep and Vijay also, which is motivating me, and partially because team is good now too... I think I am realizing now that its very important to have 1 good player than 4 bad players in a team, those 4 bad players will only consume resources and will only impact the team negatively. Instead we should have few good players which motivates the team further. Quality of the team is important.
Talked to Dawrani, I think the chef thing is good and i am starting to work on it again.
Met prakash mama in the shop today, I said bahut thak gaye ho aajakl and he said operation hua he abhi heart ka. Then he started explaining what happened and he was describing the body literally like a mechanical machine. To quote - "Valve kharab hugya, operation karayo 4 saal pela, paachha abar dekhavane gaya jad kiyo valve leekage he, pachhe operation karan lagya jad kiyo, valve to leek he hi, khane walls bhi chipan laag gi, bypass bhale karani padi, par chance kam he 5%. Par nabi karao to bas 3 mahina me bhale jhatko aayi aur khatam he. Jad me kiyo, abar hi kar de bhai, Jaa an to jaaora, 3 mahina pela gep ria Aa samajh lan. 9 ghanta chaliyo operation. "
This is almost as if he was explaining about a machine he sent for repair. Recently I have heard stories about so many people I used to know, who just died suddenly, without any sickness. And so many totally fit people who just fall sick suddenly nd then never recovered.
Among the three sisters of my Nani, My nana was the one who sat in home long long ago. And i used to see santok masosa and phusa masi's masosa always looking fit and they used to come to our home nd sit with nana and chat, they were both fit and walking and all. But suddenly both if them have lost their courage, one has got mad now, neither his brain not his body is working. And other is also always feeling helpless and at unease. He has a lot of money, like a lot, but it's not helping, with all the operations, he is only loosing his shit more and more. Same is with panna lal ji and girdhari lal ji. Panna lal ji have lost his body now, they fell in the floor once and broken those ribs, can't walk now can't do his own things now. And girdhari lal ji is loosing his brain now. He is mad with masi, sometimes doesn't talk to guddu jiji properly and misbehave with manoj bhai.
I mean, it's all so bad, something I never thought about.. And never imagined.
It reminds me of the book, 100 years of solitude. The story clearly described difference between wht we think when we are young and when we are old. How we see life when we are young, and ignore the fact of getting old. This is by far the best book i ever read, and I think its this book which affected me the most and i started accepting the reality of this life. The uncertainty and not having everything in our hands and knowing that life is just life. The only purpose is to live it. There is no other hidden purpose for us to discover, whatever we think is only in our heads. Its been long since I read that book. But i think some part of it is playing in front of me again...
Monika's wedding, mohit bhai's eyes, bade mami ji, are another examples. Its like the story of bundellas again..
Life... Sometimes i wonder how complicated this play is... And whoever designed it, must be a real genius and must be very satisfied looking at its game play right now...
I wont give in to my excitement. You know when thoughts of doing big things come into our mind, going abroad, scoring in some exam, earning more... They all sounds amazing in our heads, and we feel excited and for a moment a thought comes into our mind, people looking at us when we do that.. Somewhere this excitement about doing big things is of recognition from people for doing big things... And i think i dont want to do it. It could be just me and not to everyone. But i want to make sure that untill i feel excited because of what people think of me, my mind is always biased and vulnerable to do things which aren't really mine. So i wont do it. I won't do it untill my mi d is totally free of it, and then i'll ask myself what is it tat i really want to do for myself. And I'll only do that.
I don't want to do things i dont want to do. And I'll always try to avoid these things.
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