August 14, 2019

Dear Diary,

I am sick and tired of people telling me i am too skinny and i should eat more everywhere i go. i eat well, sometimes i even eat immoderately. the fact i am skinny doesn't mean I am suffering from an eating disorder. a couple of days ago, i went to visit my family in Mexico and the first thing they all told me was i am so thin and looked bad. then, my cousin, who doesn't hold his tongue told me i look like a person with aids. i suppressed my tears and just walked away. sometimes, when i don't get enough sleep, my skin looks sallow and my face haggard. so yeah, i know the pallor and thinness of my face give me a sickly look. i feel self-conscious when people comment on my skinny body. i used to have a good body shape years ago. oftentimes, my friends, family, and acquaintances praised my body since it was hot... but, now it seems to me i am getting skinnier every day. I am scared i might be sick because i agree it is abnormal and startling the speed i am unintentionally losing weight. i just hope people would stop deriding and deprecating my self appearance. maybe, then, i would stop feeling mortified about the way i look and would learn to love myself. it is hard to love myself when everybody is suddenly disapproving and mocking at my appearance. for some reason, i have been deteriorating. i don't think i am pretty anymore, for peoples sneering comments have deflated my self-esteem.