August 08, 2019

Dear Diary,

happiness has crumbled in this house ever since my father left. During the first weeks of his departure, my mom was distraught with grief. She spent a whole week isolated in her bedroom, sobbing relentlessly, yanking her hair, and tossing portraits of her and my father against the wall in anger and sorrow. 

The woman who I revered and idolized for her tenacity and self-discipline was falling apart in pieces and i couldn't do anything. I was bewildered by her physical condition. She looked haggard and feeble. Her hair was tousled and her face emaciated. She had not been eating or showering for days. She was giving off a very disgusting odor but it didn't matter how much i pestered her to take a bath, she wouldn't listen to me. A stab of pain pierced my heart at the sight of her starving herself to death. There were no options left. Although i knew it would be humiliating for my mother, i called my father, begging him to come and see her. Oh, I made a great mistake. I thought my father's visit could quell her anger and subside her sorrow but it actually did the opposite.

After a couple of months, my mom realized she hadn't only been harming herself but my brother and me. She hasn't gone back to her normal life but she is putting great effort into healing. I am really proud of my mom because i can imagine it must really difficult to get over a failed marriage. 

My father has done too much damage to her by cheating on her. My mom was so broken and dismayed when she found out he was having a liaison with a younger woman, she almost took her own life. I never thought my father who has always been by my side could be able to commit such a shameful and unpardonable act. 

I always thought my father's loyalty towards my mom and his children was unswerving but i now realize i was blind. I never imagine my mom and my father were going through a tumultuous marriage which would eventually lead to deceit and betrayal from my father. What i am sure of is my sweet beautiful mother didn't deserve my father's infidelity.

 I harbored loathing and resentment towards my father for a long time. I refused to see him and vilified him in front of his own family because i was so upset he had destroyed our lives. I wanted to convince myself i didn't need him in my life to be happy but the pain grew more unbearable every day as i started shunning him out my life. 

I finally decided i should forgive my father because i am not anyone to judge and despise him by his wrong actions. Sometimes i regret i have forgiven him so easily when my mom breaks down. I am deeply mortified to see him enjoying a perfect relationship with a woman i can't help but hate and wish ill while my mother is struggling to keep herself alive every day. I promise I won't let my mother down as my father did.