July 03, 2019

Dear Diary,

           Already in my thirties and life couldnt go any faster. I miss that excitement i used to have planning my future. I guess the truth is, i dont see much of a future cause my midtakes and more mistakes robbed me of that. I feel everyone at one time or another in thier life think about giving up. Alot of us including myself just cant do suicide or therapists so instead i just stop trying. Stop dreaming, planning, getting excited. I just breathe cause i have to over eat cause i can, isolate from the world and everyone in it. Not even watvhing t.v. but stare at the walls with a blank mind and blank thoughts after sleeping with a cheap date so i can feel the temporary relief of a nice big CRACK hoot!!!! Holla! 😲😜

I know, I know, I SHOULD JUST SAY NO!

But instead i pray with tears coming down my face for god to not leave me behind. Please. Let me have another chance to start over , make things right. I WANT TO BE SAVED! THR POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS ME!!!

Then a warm vibration fills my heart and soul coming from the sunlight shining through parted clouds from outside my window .

Telepathically or some other divine way i been given the knowledge of the great SECRET!