June 27, 2019

Dear Diary,

Nothing excites me. No goal in life worthy enough for excitement. I would like to do something but then I am like why bother. I am actually in between hope and hopelessness and all in the same day sometimes. I don't know if this is good or bad. Why don't they teach us this in school? Why don't they teach us life management? I know there are no set rules to feeling better but a guideline would be amazing. Like how do I deal with a person. How do I handle rejection. How can I learn to love myself. I had dreams one of going back to the country I called home from the time i was 3 and finishing the degree i dropped out from. I think these are regressive dreams. I want to study but then I am like money and then I am like but to make money you need to study. I mean is it necessary. I don't know any more. I don't like calling friends. Meeting people. Its been 6 years of me being like this. I am also having suicidal thoughts. I feel hopeless and drained. I want to leave to another country.