Dear Diary, i am in crippling pain physically.i have such stressful 2 weeks that literally steamrolled me.i know that sounds dramatic but my body feels that way.i have lost my boyfriend,my stepdaughter,my house,the area where i live,my money even probably my jobi have lost confidence,dignity and a broken heart do crushing.i feel suicidal,i tried before when he pushed me to the edge but now he tossed me off.i dont want to die but i don't want to live.i feel shitty and ashamed as my parents have taken in,paid for everything and cuddled me when i was a wreck.they deserve that but i dont know to do which is the scariest thing.this and therapy helped but that was before my whole world imploded.now i need more but how and what.i believe life is sacred and i care about others's lives to the detriment of my own.i know i haven't got the right idea.hopefully god will enter my lige before i do something terrible.My moods and emotions are all jumbled up. i doesnt im medicated up to my eyeballs as the saying goes.i have always picked and chose bits of different things in life for example i believe in god, evolution and tarot cards.i feel drawn to all three.i love the odd,the mismatched and tje broken but i need to be yheur guardian not their punching bag ot doormat.i envy others who have a clear goal.Anyone who have the feeling i have,talk to someone,anyone will do because sometimes its just the dark feelings talking when you don't talk to anyone.a problem shared is a problem halved.fuck i know its hard but life is hard but its feels less heavy when you share.lots of love to all,you are all precious and beautiful iny eyes.