Dear Diary,
I went for the walk, and my head is just filled with thoughts.
I have to write.
Let me prepare some points -
Aeroplane, It's June, The wind and the memory, the poem and. God damm it, there were so many, i forgot them all. Yeah one more thing, the work.
Aeroplane- I saw an aeroplane while walking.
I still wonder when i see an aeroplane, of course this is amazing how such a big object is flying but i wonder even more about this thing that, how we humans could thought that one day we'll be able to fly such a big object made of metal, carrying 100s of people, weighting in tons. When even keeping a paper airplane floating in the air for more than 10 seconds seems like a difficult thing in the everyday life. We could imagine that and do it. Size is only an illusion, i mean in the sky, it still looks tiny. Maybe we can make even bigger things... Ofcourse we can, we are making fucking human carrying rockets now, then we'll have spaceships.. i believe it'll very soon...Then we'll travel to different galaxies, for breakfast at a different restaurant. Same like size, distance and speed is only a barrier in our mind right now, but we'll be traveling faster than light. Soon...
Its June, for past 6 years, this has been an important month. You know why. I am not sad, Life is meant to change. (I think i'll just save few words here).
I was walking and suddenly a gush of wind strikes my face and it has a smell, it immediately took me 3 years back, Sangareddy, the small 5 by 5 shop, and me sitting in that room in the summer, in the evening, it had this smell, i dint know what it was, i think its the smell of Truck's tires scratching on the road. It was besides the highway. I think of those days, when in evenings i would be alone in that place, its peace, everything is so silent, but i was alone and yet something in me felt very hopeful, my mind had different energy level. I was making something real for the first time in my life. And i had all the dreams that i thought would come true one day. I remember that Diwali in that place, i can hear the sound of crackers coming from distant places yet, the air around me felt very silent. I can still fell that same silence my heart felt that day. I called her, she was at home. Then in night aravind and sai did bring those crackers, i think just so that i could feel like its diwali =D. I remember it all, the every night drive back to the village, the silent roads, the mystry of 6 shooting stars, the famous samosa shop, me cooking there, everything. I miss it all. But as ted mosby says "Kids, You can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tightly you hold on. Its already gone..."
Anyway.
The work -
You already know this, these days, work is not very exciting, but there is something else. You remember, Rahul and other big people working at good posts, and yet asking me for help in development, and i used to think what are these big people actually doing at their companies, there companies pay them like Real Big Money, and yet they only write documentation or work as managers, i can build application in a month which took him an year to design. And i kind of felt like these people are just a channel of wasting money for companies. Well it turns out slowly my job is becoming just that, these days i am only looking at asana, trello, writing down tasks, looking at code written by others, merging pull requests... Like what... My learning has touched absolute zero mark. I have a 100 Pages open in my mobile's browser, these are the blogs i wanted to read, but i haven't, because i am always busy doing other stuff. But i feel someone has to do it all, someone has to take the responsibility. Someone has to take things to the end. But then i feel what if this is just a false sense of responsibility, while i am actually just wasting my time, not making something big, not actually building something... But i have to do something about it, or else i'll just start hating myself. After all, "Khoj meri bhookh, Avishkar meri manzil".
Anyway, there is just one more poem(Shayri) =D. Last weekend i was going on my bike in early evening and clouds and weather, and winds, it was all so perfect. I felt so much at peace. And i thought of this. -
You know what, i am not writing, its only two lines, i thought of another 2 but i forgot now. Some other time.
Goodnight... 😘