Dear Diary,

I'm so scared of ending the year with nothing in my accounts.. This has never happened before - I had always had a fraction of funds in diverse accounts esp my piggybank but I pulled everything out whilst trying to be a supportive wife..

They say be supportive of your partner but I feel like I made a huge mistake.. It's almost like he doesn't want me having any cash on me - he'd rather pay every bills and sort every need than give me any cash at home..

He controls every financial need in the home then turn around and accuse me of leaving everything to him..

When I bring up ideas on how better the supposed funds can be utilized, he suddenly doesn't have enough but when he goes with his plans he spends more than the amount he initially agreed he had..

When I ask for cash for personal needs, he coaxs me into believing he doesn't have and talks about all the plans we have in place making me seem selfish but immediately there's a need that involves other people money suddenly comes out from diverse places even going ahead to spend the supposed plan - money..

I am tired of asking.. I need to have my own money, I feel so miserable..

I'm expecting a child and I'm so scared of being dependent on him financially in a strange land (he's talking about us relocating to a new country) I'm so scared of being without anyone I could run to for help

One minute I'm happy, the next minute I'm thinking about everything that could go wrong from now till the next 5 years..

And there's the talk of my career on the other hand - I have a nagging feeling that he might try to push my Masters further and further under the guise of childbearing as he may be the one funding it..

I don't even care about the funds because I could apply for a scholarship and work alongsides and I know it may be so hard..

I can't even ask any of my friends or family for cash because he feels insulted about how it may look on him

I'm not okay.. I desperately need money

XZXS@#$321's Dear Diary