Dear Diary, I forgot canceling my yoga class appointment. I did that twice this month so there’s penalty next month… meh

I am sleepy. Okay okay it’s Saturday. I went to kfc and brought back lunch for my family after waking up at 11:30. It’s about 2 pm now.

Nothing particular to do. Well I should do something for applying that temp job agency… but it’s just making me feel unhealthy. Not now, I thought. But there’s due date for the trial test. Meh

I shouldn’t hurry for it…

What do I do

I watched Zack’s video which he documents his chronic pain and how he’s trying to cope it. I was surprised that he was working at Buzzfeed and now Try Guys. He never looked suffering from pain at all. I can’t say other person who can’t hide their pain and being miserable are having bad attitude tho… well that was the past me. Back in my teen age, I believed I was suffering from pain. But I am not sure about it now because teachers and doctors kept telling me it’s in my head. But I was suffering. And people around me blamed me about my giving up mindset. I wish I was like Zack who is trying so hard not to let the pain control his life. But I couldn’t back in that period of my life. How could I not to be distracted by the pain. Now I feel like it wasn’t that bad like it felt at that time actually. But my energy was drained out all the time. So I couldn’t believe I can stand against the pain. It felt as if it was really bad. I had already lost the game not like Zack. I think it’s true that Zack is strong but people can’t force someone who has chronic illness be like him based on the fact he is doing it.

LilAngel's Dear Diary