Dear Diary,

You have shown me time and time again

through reading my journals of the past , in my own words my life’s experiences over the years .

I am always able to find splice in the gained perception the provide . A hindsight of definitive proof of the progress I am sometimes so blind I have made through all my past trips around the sun

I look back into the archives of the spiral binder and gathered pages now and then when I’m feeling stuck or lost

reading them from years back I can still feel how I felt writing them , back in those moments of pain, struggle , hardships and heartbreaks or . it was all that mattered .all I could see . , not able to envision a time in which those things would ever stop or become obsolete to my existence or have affect on my life any longer .

I am constantly made aware as reading them paired with current hindsight relived

i can see just how wrong I was . How blinded into worm holes .

over and over again , Seeing no way out .

I read them and now say to myself . Wow. If you only knew what was coming you way . Things you’d never imagine . Things that once you finally made space for filled you with so much more joy and contentment , more than you saw coming .

But most of all the tears . They stopped . The hurt . It got easier

And yet still I get so wrapped up in the now . why can’t I break that cycle . Even with my own written proof

I know there are so any things this world has planned for me .

I know there are so many great things headed my way , and yet I being to write again these days with such anguish and dead end thinking

Debating over and over things I already know in my gut the answers to.

Beating my brain into mush on if I am making the right choices . Should I have even chosen to act. if I want to continue to peruse things I once wanted so bad but now coming to for fear of the unknown . so hard to let go of.

Over and over again I can read back and see the progression of my life , in my own words. I know this is only temporary. I know I will not feel like this forever, and yet still here I am unable to see a path that lay ahead .

So now , I look forward to the day when I am able to look back once again , in a completely different mind set with a very different life and think wow. If you only knew how much things were about to change and the greatest that is headed you way !

To myself , I Love you past present and future . Don’t worry , it will be okay . We will be more than okay .

The universe is guiding the entire narrative. Have faith and know that everything will be okay, better then okay . You just can’t see it yet, but you will .

Everything that is truly meant for you will be what is meant for you it has never let you down , knows you better than yourself.

It will be okay .

It always is.

SoftlyRuined's Dear Diary