Dear Diary,

I like the ever changing tide in your eyes. How when they become blue icy glaciers from the coldest parts of time and how when sometimes you look at me they melt and cascading droplets of beads slowly slide down your cheeks as if they made it from all the way from there to the warm salty tears are like watery beaches we visit. Were we laugh and have fun at. How your sadness melts away and into happiness. Like memories. I know the hues of blues now mum 💙. I hope you still look up to me son even when your taller than me. I like the way you shine even when darkness clings to you, dad. I like the way the stars say they love me 💞 I love the way I dance and twirl and spin. I like the way I care so much for you all. Each in different ways. Each in different parts of you. Each in every way about you all like I'm saying I love all of you all of you. Im going to start writing things like this each night. About how I love you. Why I love you. Im used to talking with my eyes when I look at you hoping you understand. But now I think I did it

I can finally talk!

ẞpêäk : the rock said.

So I do. From earth. From mother earth as a mother. How it too can be shown to comfort and care. From me as myself aswell. To you, about myself. From me to you about you and the many things and lives around us. And in us. Living, breathing, beating, touching, feeling, sensing, attracting, happy, smiling, moving, flowing, adapting with changes. Sometimes dealing with the cards were dealt with. I'm holding onto the deck of cards for you to pick . Say one, two, three, four to me. And I will display them for you, read them to you mum. Okay. Done. One card: a cup. - that's always full.

Second card: a mirror. - You have a forever beauty.

Three: A seed. - to grow. Breathe. Stand your ground. life grows in you and around you and flows through you if you choose to accept it.

And the lucky forth card is: *drum roll please hehe* a bound leather Book with a white feather on the cover. This card is saying that your a believer. An angel guides you through your story. You may choose to speak this story or let your angel speak it for you. Trust is important to have and give with you. If you flick through the pages of your special book you would notice how it's written in in your handwriting with a black and blue pen. I love how you are always collecting pens from every place we literally go to collectively adding to your story. I love how this Books pages grow from the seed card.

Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.

Dad can have three cards as you choose. card one: a rainbow. This card is made up of the colour. Seven curved lines each a different colour.s 🌈 Lavender purple 🟣 like the scent of different smells you love. blue like the sky you like to play under. green like a water Lilly floating on a pond where you like to chil out. 🌿 yellow, like a bumble bee. Working hard and always so busy. Creating order and structure in lives. burnt orange like rising sun so strong and gives life a chance, bright red like a sailor`s delight.

Card two: a ship: you are strong.

Third card: diamonds. Like the mind.

Fourth card: a circle. Deep. Your a very deep person. There is no bottom, no ending around and around it goes. always you move forward like the next day and the day after that day just like my world does like how you and mum are my world. And how a pretty flower can distract me and fill me up with so much sense of awe and wonder and beauty. But I'm really ill always here with you. 🌞 I like the way teddy bear theo lays his head right next to mine against the rushing water flowing through the downhill grass from the occuring Storm. Rushing water 💦 filling our ears roaring inside of us. Letting the sound in his mind so it knows to grow. Feeling nourished.

I miss my dreams.

I would like to be able to cook more. Hopefully this Christmas I can cook for my family.

A trifle. (One of my mum's recipes) Carmel and chocolate biscuit balls. A store brought American baked cheesecake. Brunch style food. A grazing board. Delivered from online. Thank goodness.

Ham leg. Egg nog. Yay.

Celebrate. We must celebrate!

Christmas is almost here.

I'm glad.

I hope next year is a good year. This year went so fast. The tick and tick of the clock takes up to much of my time as I relish in the silence and space between the two.

Hmm.

Frsexdoll's Dear Diary