I can't do it anymore's Dear Diary

Index
July 29, 2023
Dear Diary, It's been awhile. Don't worry, I'm not in a bad state this time. Just wanted to note this down so I can get it off my mind. Funny how I've been living for 24 years and only figured out that writing makes me forget. Wait no, I've
Jul 28
June 09, 2023
Dear Diary, I don't understand why I have to suffer. I was doing fine. But everything decided to say. Fuck you. It's okay. I said fuck you back. But that doesn't mean I'm feeling okay. I want some peace in my life. But work is stressful.
Jun 08
'Nothing'
If there's anything I want in this world. It's 'nothing'. 'Nothing' gives me freedom. 'Nothing' tells me there's nothing to worry about. 'Nothing' will never betray me. I want 'Nothing'. Why can't people be 'nothing'. 'Nothing' will never think. 'Not
Jun 08
What's scary isn't dying. What's scary is being forgotten.
Scoffed at this statement. I'm already forgotten anyways. So what am I to lose if I die, isn't it? Nothing matters. Life doesn't matter. People don't matter. I don't matter. Why do we have to suffer? What is it that makes us continue wanting to live?
Jun 08
November 12, 2024
What am I carrying today? Here I am, starting over… again. It's become almost routine—this cycle of beginning again. I’m not discouraged by it, because in a way, I have no choice but to keep trying. For every failure in the past, I've gained some
Nov 12
August 10, 2024
One Week Alcohol-Free This past week has been transformative for me. Last Sunday, I felt utterly worthless and hopeless, questioning my purpose. However, on Monday, everything changed when I decided to start an intellectually stimulating activity: I
Aug 10
August 05, 2024
Today, I find myself sitting with the weight of my own pain, and it feels heavier than ever. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m trapped in a never-ending cycle of hurt and helplessness. From a young age, I’ve faced relentless bullying and abuse at ho
Aug 05
July 14, 2024
Dear Diary, Today marks the third day in a row that I haven't had a drink. While this might not seem like a big deal since I don't drink daily—typically only once a month—the way I've been drinking has been quite upsetting. I've recognized a clear
Jul 14
July 13, 2024
Dear Diary, Today, I am grateful that I didn't drink. Yesterday, I listened to a Buddhist lama on YouTube, and his words really resonated with me. He said that vices don't really exist and that all we need to do is wash off the dirt of our true natu
Jul 13
July 12, 2024
Dear Diary, Today feels like a significant day, one that I hope marks a turning point in my life. I am writing this entry with a mix of hope and determination, wanting to make a heartfelt commitment to myself. I have an alcohol use disorder, and the
Jul 12