Dear Diary, hey long time no see. So first I want to update you on the thing that occupied my mind at the last entry. I asked you for your opinion back then so I think you deserve to know what happened afterwards.

I did end up going to the dinner and I do think it was the right decision. Like I said Spike was also there and we actually sat opposite to each other so we had the whole evening to talk. It even seemed to me like she might have intentionally sat close to me, but that might have been my imagination.

The guy I told you about was also there however. He didnt bother me as much this time, but I do have some stuff to tell you about him too. Like that he wore a suit for example. Not a business suit, but one of these oldfashioned ones with a vest and possibly a pocket watch. No idea why he did that. He usually wears these """nerdy"""" T-Shirts that say stuff like "Eat, sleep, game" on them or sth. He probably wanted to show off. His girlfriend was also there this time. Because of course an annoying guy like that has a girlfriend. She was a nerdy girl and not ugly at all. She was pretty nice. Although one time she said that she doesnt like Gojo from My dressup darling because he is too passive. Not that disliking an anime character is a moral flaw or anything, but I found it kind of relieving. She would never like me then. That guy didnt take away a potential girlfriend from me. And I know that other girls quite like Gojo, Knight for example who recommended My dressup darling to me. The author of the manga said that Gojo was her ideal boyfriend too. So that confirms that some girls like """passive"""" guys like me... and other girls seem to like annoing guys like THAT guy, but thats fine. Of course Gojo is pretty awesome because he can sew cosplay outfits, so there is more reason to like him not just his personality. But I still think that this anime is a much welcome reversal of gender tropes and it gives me hope that some girls like it too. There are those who call it "incel shit" too, but sadly that is to be expected from at least a minority.

So back to Spike. Since we were at a Japanese restaurant we talked about what we would eat and drink. I settled on drinking hot green tea and eating Soba. She ordered beer and a bowl with tofu curry and rice, sadly I dont remember its name. Interestingly she was the only one who ordered alcohol at the table. My soba never came. It was a busy day and they probably forgot about it. Spike let me taste some of her tofu curry, so I decided to order that instead... and then that also never arrived. I dont know what kind of curse it was that made them forget all my orders it was very weird. I didnt order something a third time, since I always thought that it might still come and that I would have to eat both. Spike let me eat the rest of her curry though and a bit of her mochi icecream that she ordered later. She said that she would have left me more if she had known I wouldnt get anything to eat. But really it was fine I wasnt that hungry anyway and at least I had my tea. I just hope she didnt think I was weird for not trying to order again.

Sadly the conversation was dominated by that guy again, since he is so talkative. Me and Spike had a conversation about the Roe v. Wade decision in the US. Naturally both of us were disapointed by it. But then the guy joined the conversation and started talking about his own politics namely about a youtuber called "MrWissen2Go" that he likes. He is one of those clickbait news youtubers here in Germany, but he is endorsed by the official media (its a german thing, hard to explain) He was particularily keen to talk about pornography addiction. He said that he had seen a Netflix documentary on it, but afterwards I saw that this youtuber he likes made a video about so I think that is his true motivation and source of his opinion. He went on to say the usual stuff about how its an increasingly big problem and how bad it is that kids and teenagers see hardcore content. He probably didnt expect anyone to defend porn, but of course I did. I really hate "everything is getting worse" and "think of the children" arguments. So I argued that people have always liked hardcore and fetish content and that porn is just showing what was always there. Fetishes are just human in my opinion and shouldnt be devilized under the guise of protecting children or preventing porn addiction. He also claimed that working conditions for porn actors would be worse because of the higher demand for hardcore content. Men would have to take a lot of viagra to keep going which would raise their risk for heart deseases. But I held against him, that actors need just as much stamina for long session of normal sex too so I didnt see his argument. Thankfully Spike was on my side in this argument. She also said that fetish content was sth people have always liked and that it was false feminism to defend women from this stuff, since women enjoy watching it to. She particularily said that women often have rape fantasies and protecting them from this content is patronizing them. That was really great of her, I was very impressed! I did have one slip in the discussion when I said that hentai is consumed more by men than women to which she said that women watch or read hentai too. And of course she is right about that. I meant that most tropes in hentai cater more towards men. But I could be wrong there too. It was interesting that she talked about this stuff in this way. Maybe she is kinky too? Does she watch hentai?

I think I did pretty well in that discussion. But afterwards I googled a bit about the subject and found out that porn addiction isnt actually an illness that is recognized by medical professionals. Studies in the US seem to indicate that not the amount of porn consumed is a risk factor in people diagnosing themselves with this "addiction" but religion is. So it seems that people who say they are addicted actually sad that because they are feeling guilty about watching porn. Its basically a selfdefense mechanism. They say "I'm a good person so I cant possibly like this amoral fetish stuff or actually enjoy watching hours of porn. So I must have an illness that lead me to this!" Masturbation and media consumption are two things that people, especially conservative people, are often shamed for, so it makes sense that combining these two would lead to this. I wish I would habe known that back then. Oh well.

I havent seen Spike since then, but maybe I will see her at a museum at a screening of Ponyo. She wrote in the Ghibli whatsapp group that she would go to screenings there so I wrote that I was particularily interested in ponyo too since we hadnt covered it in the tutorium. Other than that she liked a post in twitter that said "Dreaming of October" October is when we will see each other for real again. But its also just when the semester starts.

Anyway today I saw a movie with that one friend and her boyfriend. It was called "Bibi und Tina 5 Einfach Anders" Its part of a german series of kids movies mainly aimed at 10year old girls who like horses. It's about Bibi Blocksberg, a well known childrens witch character, spending her vacation on a horse farm with her best friend Tina. But the plot is completely bonkers. There are aliens and meteors landing, the local counts castle is overtaken by a guy literally called Ass in German who dresses up as a police woman to fake a dna test, the new children are a bunch of punks who are over the top aggressive or nerdy, people think they are vampires, there is a twenty minute scene of them harvesting potatoes and singing. It was a lot of fun to laugh about it. Here is the trailer if you are interested: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dJuKXB_roRU maybe it has captions in your language or english.

While it was ridiculous and we mainly watched it since my friend is interested in horse media for girls for her research it also felt really refreshing to me. I could REALLY understand why these girls like these kind of movies. There is a hopeful kind of fun eminating from it. At the end they sang a song about how its ok to be different and they mentioned quiet people in it, which was really nice. Yes it was super cheesy but I couldnt help but feel good and accepted listening to it. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=42ytb7xc2ko This is the song, quite the contrast to the metal stuff I listened to the rest of the week 😂

The movie reminded me about how it is to be young and hopeful about your life and thats why I'm glad I watched it even though it was incredibly overacted and stupid too. It also had some romance subplots and it seemed to have the philosophy that everybody deserves a relationship which is really wholesome too. The main relationship was between the nerdy girl and a guy from the village who rides a motorcycle. Maybe its because the movies is intended for preteen girls who also dream of finally having a relationship and thats why it spoke to me.

Bye everyone

Chi30's Dear Diary