Dear Diary,

I didn't what to write, i wanted this place to be organised and sensible place for me to rant, but i guess feelings don't like to be put in draws and colour coded, so i will go ahead with whatever i am feeling and try to pen it down here.

first of all let me- *LOUD SIGH*

today i realised so many things, but what i don't understand if my thoughts are real or because of my low self esteem, what i do know is, i feel understood, in a place where i try and understand every move someone makes and give them empathy if not support, i sure do feel like the most un-understood person.

in a world where i tell every person to lot lose hope and to not invalidate their own feelings, i do invalidate my feelings the most, its being hypocrite i know, but my heart think its protecting itself.

the idea that i might let people in- in this room where i keep all of me, all my feelings and all my darkness, in this place that is under my candle of life- they will see me and leave, and as much as it's okay for someone who doesn't know me to leave, if i lost any one of the people i trust i don't think i would be able to handle it right now.

or ever, its so comforting knowing someone is outside the door waiting, for me to let them in, and i know i won't have forever, they will leave someday, get tired of trying, but i have today, today i will protect myself, till my heart feels safe with someone, i will keep it with myself.

i wanted to actually talk about something else, but even this made me feel light

thank you <3

GigiC's Dear Diary