Dear Diary,

Its 2 am right now...I'm not tired though. I think I have insomnia, which I perceive as a bad thing. I wish life was easier...well maybe not easier, because then we'd get everything handed to us. I don't want life to be easy actually. I want life to be understandable. Okay...so completely changing the subject, I wanna talk about love. I'm 13, yet I feel as if nobody will ever truly love me. As family or friend...or maybe even in relationships. I understand people talk about how crazy it is for 13-year-olds to think they know the meaning of love. I'd like to think I know of it, but I doubt I can explain it. Feelings are like that I think. You can never explain them, but they're there. It's like how some people say they're depressed...some people ask why. It's not just something you wanna tell someone. I mean you do, you just know they won't understand...anywayssss....being depressed isn't just about one thing. It could be about multiple things that build and build until your crumbling under your thoughts. I haven't ever cried in front of people I don't know, or trust, or just anyone I guess. They say they have seen me cry and that I couldn't have gone that long without anyone seeing, but it isn't hard when you can't feel anything. My mother doesn't say I love you anymore. She hasn't for 5 years now. It's not sad or anything because I'm used to it. I wonder if anyone else can relate...probably not. I'm an actual mess, but it's okay. I'll just keep pretending while I shatter completely.

Okay, Goodbye -c

Cinders's Dear Diary