Dear Diary,

I feel as though Idk myself anymore, I sit and pretend like I do, just to make myself feel better. I sit and think about how happy I was years ago and all the excitement I had in my life and ask myself were they my motivation? Or was that just distractions? It could have been either or, I'm not sure but I just use to be so full of life, Money motivated, the biggest and brightest personality and now i just feel like shit. My love life has been going down spirals, I don't feel accepted, I don't feel as though I have much support and I understand others have problems of their own, so I try and not to be such a bother, but god what am I suppose to do. Yes I can pray and you know I strongly believe in you without a doubt, but why isn't that even enough to make me feel better? I get it believers have faith and etc, yeah I be listening to them spiritual people but C'mon god is it really that easy to let go and let you do your thing? I can't even enjoy life without having to infuse my body with so much weed and that's the only thing that makes me feel better, honestly. Without it idk where I would be. it's the only way I can function properly. And yeah it could be a mind thing but at least it takes effect quickly and I don't have to wait on it. Get what I'm saying? The con is that it only last A LITTLE WHILE. Which is what I hate. So again, I do want to find some type of way to deal and cope with life but I don't like anything about it. * Sighs*

Jasper Blackwood's Dear Diary