Dear Diary, I tried to save a bird today, but it didn't end so well. I still feel bad for the baby bat "Grey" I couldn't save some weeks ago. R.I.P Grey.. </3

My mental state

I don't care any longer about the world and me being in it for no reason. It all ends up sooner or later as forgotten memories and, so what's even the point of making them?. If the world quaked to ruin in front of my eyes I, feel like, I would let it happen in an instant and just go with the construction. You see, I'm not afraid of dying here. I used to be. I still can't get my head around why I, choosed to come back after the drowning incident. I was free but, then life stole my freedom by, bringing me back to life. Nowdays I search around every corner for something fatal to happen to me. Yes, poor life. I have nothing to miss in life and that's probably why I'm so unafraid of losing myself. I hear nice voices and really bad voices. I love the children what so ever I, cry with them, laugh, with them I, take care of them, but the bigger, much louder voices, keeps hurting, me. I hate them. I hate feeling their presence. I hate having schizophrenia. My mother told me som days ago that it is because of my illness that I won't let her open my window. I guess she's right. I know now I am not a monster but my illness wants me to believe so for every single day.

Take care.

Meyyes's Dear Diary