Dear Fate,

I’m not sure about how i feel right now. Disappointed? not quite but maybe there is some of it somewhere in me.

I just know that I have witnessed my incapacity to do stuff. It is not a positive experience but also not necessarily a bad one really. If i would rate it, maybe it’s 9% bad 30% confusion 10% defeated and I don’t know about the other stuff

- - -

I usually don’t do much and when moments arrive and I have to do stuff, I feel like i’m lacking in many aspects and feel what I feel right now but I still don’t have the desire to try and change that, even if i’m aware that it would be better if I would

So, i’m basically not so good of a human, not really developing much and i’m fine with that

But then there are parts of me that are saying, you’re not a good enough person to deserve to feel good so now, go and wallow in guilt

It’s still not making me take action tho

- - -

I feel like, some parts of me is denying my reality and are just seeing it as a probability game and that I’m just not that lucky and there are other factors that contribute to my life and that is why I’m not taking responsibility. idk, these are just my thoughts which are mostly faulty.

- - -

I had a little think and I think it is my lack of initiative at play and not wanting to do a trial and error and grinding phase and also yeah, just mostly relying on you.

Bye for now

Aman's Dear Diary