Dear Diary,

Negative self talk and a self doubt is as normal to me as drinking water every day. No matter how many self-help books i read i am not able to follow this tips. I feel so stupid. I love self-help books especially books about spirituality and the law of attraction but i can't practice what they books want me to do. I fail at the main and most important task THINK POSITIVE (esp. while manifesting/writing down an affirmation) I know this needs time,patiens, and practice but for me thinking positive or just being "nice to myself" feels like a huge big lie and like self-sabotage. It is because i never allowed myself to heal and gave up on recovery to quickly because i was left alone with all this stuff. And because i never got the proffesional help that i needed and deserve/deserved. I was completly alone and my parents believed my childhood was perfect but it was a hell. In school and at home. I felt unloved,worthless,alone and depressed all the time. And i still feel that way at now 23 years of age.

Ciell's Dear Diary