Do you ever get that feeling of being uncomfortable in your own skin? I get it every now and then. Sometimes it happens for no reason. Sometimes it happens after I take a shower. But I think the main reason why I'm feeling this way is because of my weight. I'm not severely overweight. I actually don't mind my weight to a high extent, but I 'do' want to lose some. I'm tall, so some of this weight is normal, but I still have pudge that I want to lose. Because of the recent holidays, trying to lose it had become way more difficult. There are so many sweets in the house, and I just want to throw them all away, but I hate wasting food, even if that food isn't good for me.

I want to try and have more control over what I eat, how much, and figure out ways I can become more active. I want to do some exercising routines, but trying to find the time to do them is hard as well. I hate waking up early in the morning, and i get too tired at night to do them, but during the day i'm busy.

I want to walk around my property, but every time I go out and walk by the neighbors, their dogs bark nonstop and it irritates the shit out of me. I don't like drawing that kind of attention.

I've learned to try and eat slower, and chew more, so I can allow my body some time to adjust to the food and send a message to my brain that I'm full. I'm also trying to cut out any processed food, like packaged snacks and already made food that contains extra chemicals and ingredients. I want to try going on a clean eating diet.

What makes me mad is that I did this two years ago without any problems, and I was losing weight at a steady pace. But now I can't help just eating constantly, like I need to have something in my mouth, tasting it all the time. I thofught about gum, but gum doesn't work for me. And it puts air in my stomach with excess swallowing and chewing. I also thought about hard candy or something, but I don't want sugar in my mouth constantly. It's bad, and it makes my teeth feel weird.

I guess so could do sugar free candy, but the effects it would have on my teeth would most likely be the same.

I tried having sunflower seeds as a way to occupy my mouth, by biting the seed out of the shell, but sometimes I end up biting my taste buds, and it makes my tongue hurt. There's also the mess of sunflower seeds, which I can spit in a bottle, but it just looks so gross, and I hate putting my mouth near an area where my spit has already touched.

I don't know, I wish there was an easier way to stop thinking about snacking all the time. Or just a healthier way to do it.

Agus Gaming's Dear Diary