November 02, 2023

Dear Diary, sometimes when I wake up from sleep, I feel this lingering sadness n emptiness about how there should've been a someone in my life n now he's not.

Recently I found a few pages written by my ex about how we both became an us. It did nothing, humorously I was looking at how bad english he wrote. Apart from all this, what he wrote in the letter, that he wanted a forever with me, but the SOB forgot what he wanted over the years I guess. How the priority changes or how we just take for granted that one person who could've been your "My person" for life. But no, you woke up after I started taking actions to leave you, and when I fell out of love with you.

You think after you got married to someone else I would wanna talk to your ass?

I made, no I wove dreams with you in it. My life revolved around you. & you didn't feel like appreciating & loving the person who gave up almost everything, I guess, my life n soul was left to be given.

How delusional narcissistic people can be that they'd be loved no matter what, no matter how you treat the one person who made it her sole goal to live a life with you n make a family out of us.

You forgot your forever, but I didn't, but I had to save myself in the end.

Sometimes, I thought did I really do the right thing leaving you, but then later on that doubt is gone when I recollect what you did n how you treated me!

Initially, I thought you ruined me for anybody else, but now I just think that I've given a lot of myself to you, totally lost myself in you n I really don't want to go through with that again. Now the only person I'm gonna give my everything is me, I'm the center of my world, my story, my life.

I wanna be a rogue planet until I die🙅‍♀️. N you know what being alone doesn't scare me much anymore, before I cried n was depressed due to it, that I was all alone, that I was soo replaceable in people's life even my family's, that why now that I'm happy I know why I am, because I accepted my situation n that it'll be okay even if all that happened n this realisation n lesson was learned a very hard way, I swear, n with the help of my bee bee.

Pillow_thought's Dear Diary