Wise One,

I've suddenly become incredibly exhausted. It's frustrating. I did pretty well in terms of productivity on Monday and Tuesday was excellent. I cleaned the house, exercised, worked on two personal art projects, practiced learning spanish, and read my books. I did end up falling asleep during my readings, but I was very satisfied with how I spent my day.

However, I woke up Wednesday feeling incredibly exhausted, despite getting enough sleep. I moved sluggishly throughout my morning, as if it was some difficult task just to wash my face and brush my teeth. I tried to read, but kept losing focus. I took a nap hoping to regain some of that energy I had Tuesday, but I still felt drowsy when I woke. I did push through to accomplish a few goals; I cooked dinner, cleaned the rat cage, payed my school tuition fee, and then registered for classes. Still, I am not satisfied. I at least should have done the assigned readings before bed, that way I could spend today getting started on the homework assignments. I also intended on doing my daily workouts, personal readings, journal entries, and a letter to you. Instead, I fell asleep after doing what feels like so little.

As I write this out, it doesn't seem as bad as I at least accomplished a few things, but I still feel guilty about all the things I "should have" done. Wise one, it makes little sense to feel this way as I know what I do or don't do each day doesn't matter. Still, I feel I need to accomplish a certain amount of tasks or I am "wasting" my day. Then I feel guilty for resting, yet feeling the guilt seems somehow easier than forcing myself to accomplish more.

Now today, I've woken up incredibly exhausted again. I slept nine hours already, shouldn't I feel energized by now? Still, I will try hard to accomplish my goals today. Maybe I just need some green tea or a coffee to get me through this day.

Anja2real's Dear Diary