Dear Diary,

Sometimes when you go through some really tough things in life, the best way to deal with them is to vent and even write them out and get them off your mind. One thing that you have to deal with is that, when you have a lot of time that passes, things get all jumbled up in your mind. Your dreams become a vibrant conglomeration of all the events in weird twisted ways. When you try to recall the events, they all get out of order and sometimes they do this weird mash up in your mind. You jump at every little noise. You consistently have to apologize, because you feel that everything is your fault. You lash out at your loved ones because it’s the easiest way to push them away, cause that’s the best way to protect them from yourself.

I love my husband. He tries to make me stop apologizing, he hugs me when I flinch at his movements. He worries about me, and cares about me. I often feel like I am not good enough for him. Funny when he tells me he isn't good enough for me. He is broken, he has his own stories and hell tell. Just goes to show really that everyone has something that they go through. He puts me back together again, and gives me safety and piece of mind.

Just wanted to tell the world, I love my husband, and I am thankful for him. I found him late in life, and always thought before I met him that I was always going to be alone. Sometimes I guess, it's ok to be patient. I don't know if we will be able to live long enough to enjoy our 50th anniversary or not... but I am thankful for the now.

Satyam's Dear Diary