Dear Diary,

Hey!! I am back again here :(.

I dont know what else to do, who to talk to or not talk to, read something or not read something. I dont know.

I feel this pain/disturbance in my gut every few hours, feel anxious, feel like i am missing something or loosing something.

Philosophically i know, that, its' not true, that i dont have anything and i am not loosing anything. But the days when she isnt taking to me are becoming really sad once again.

Everyone say to me that why am i wasting time after her, and sometimes i agree to that and i feel confident that i need not do that. And first of all, it's probably none of her mistake, it's just meee who is attached and have desires, that causes suffering. There is nothing to blame her actually.

But what do i do, i opened instagram and there are all the different opinions on what makes the relationship bets, what you should do, what you should not, how men and women's love are different, there is juist so much content and i know that none of it is absolutely true, it is completely individual experience. There is no advice that works for everyone. And so, i dont knowe now, what to do....

Sometime i feel like running away, but i know that isn't right. Where will i run, i'll eventually have to face myself.

I dont know if i should keep doing what i am doing or meet more people.

I dont even know what is it that i want to do in life? Everything looks kind of uncertain.

Sometimes i feel, maybe it's just this time, right now, something is not right with my body and hence i am having these feelings and i just have to let some time pass and I'll feel better again.

I mean, philosophically i believe in life, that life will figure out everything. That destiny is already taking me where i am supposed to reach, i just have to keep doing what i feel like.

And i know that whatever i chose, it's going to be the right decision. I dont have to worry about anything. Also, i have sooo many things, so much mopre than most people and the place i am at is already sooo great. I shouldn't be worried. It is ok, so we don't have few things in life. So what.

Just me being able to do whatever i feel like doing today is great. And i should o just that. Do whatever i feel like.

Bye

Gonca's Dear Diary