[ENTRY 75..✍️]

I was running out of candles last night and when I searched if there was anything more stored in the house, I found the box of candles Callum gave me on Valentine's Day two years ago, just a little before I met Chace. Dear me, but I've completely forgotten about them.

I met Callum at the end of 2019 and back then, he was still single. Disgusting as it is for me to recall this, we had a little something going on but only at first. He used to be very sweet to me and I to him, but then we got to know each other better and he's a monster and I'm a monster and that sweetness turned to constant arguments. Although we still agree on so many things, we also disagree on so many levels. I used to call him "babe" and whatnot but overtime, it turned to "demon". We never went out, we were just two people who flirted at first and became somewhat frenemies afterwards. That's why I got so mad when he gave me something on Valentine's. Because why?

Because I didn't get him anything!

I never even thought of giving him something. What I had in mind was just to message him a "Happy Valentine's Day" and then a poop emoji because he's a poophead. And then out of nowhere, the scumbag decided to be sweet by giving me a large box of chocolates, a perfume, color pens, a lighter, and a box of pretty azure candles. And on each item, there was a sticky note attached with a little message on it.

A month before that, more or less, a brownout occurred in our area and it was that time I suddenly had a desire to have scented candles instead of regular ones (pretty much, it was the beginning of my interest in candles). I imparted this thought to him and when I saw the candles he gave me, it suddenly warmed my heart because he remembered…

What an asshole!

I felt so guilty because I absolutely had nothing prepared for him. My unpleasant reaction earned a silent treatment which at that time, was worse than him being mean to me. I admit my mistake, yes; I seemed very ungrateful. So to pacify him, I wrote him a letter. It was a really rude letter. You remember when I first mentioned it here. My first line was: "Dear Poophead, Fuck you".

(See "ENTRY 32: The Boys I've Written A Letter To")

The paper was kind of a mess because the words were impromptu so there were a couple of erasures. Furthermore, I was eating ice cream as I wrote it and some of it melted and fell on the paper. I was in a hurry and too lazy to start the epistle on another page so I just wiped it off and drew a little arrow pointing in the stain's direction. Beside it indicated the explanation: "I'm eating ice cream right now. Sorry about this. Some bits dropped."

To be honest, in an informal letter, I prefer it like that: raw and off-the-cuff. Because when it's the original copy, it seems more genuine. You can see more soul with the trace of imperfection and mistakes it contains (me making an excuse for my chaotic work and laziness). I don't know if others see it the same way. Perhaps they just see dirty paper. Of course, a polished composition is a whole lot better in a general sense.

The missive wasn't entirely angry, though. I'm not a complete bitch. I softened when I got to the middle part until the end and expressed my gratitude. I was truly thankful. It's just that, most of the time, I don't know how to handle these situations when people, excepting family, give me boons (usually bought ones) because it makes me feel like I owe them and then I'd feel bad and annoyed that they'd put me in such a difficult spot especially when I've got them nothing. Oftentimes, I'd wonder how much they spent so I could purchase something with the same amount (or more) but I guess it would be rude to ask the sender this question. But I also know that the ones you make yourself are usually more appreciated so I always resort to my drawing skills (me hiding the fact that I'm just really broke to buy anything). That's why I also drew a little ink portrait of him and below it were the words: "Happy Valentine's Day, Asshole!" And on the front cover of the card, I drew the poop emoji 💩

He loved it so much that he posted the letter (just a glimpse of it) and the drawing on Facebook which gathered a lot of attention from his friends and they were very curious if I was the new girl in his life. Haha. The comments were hilarious.

"Who is that? She sounds very nice 😂"

"What a lovely greeting. 'Fuck you.' 😂"

"Hey, asshole. Happy Valentine's 😂"

"OoOoH~is that someone new??? 😏"

He also told me that my present was so much better because I spent effort on it. To be honest, the effort wasn't that much at all... I just did the sketch in 5 minutes but he didn't have to know that. Haha. Ssh. I could do so much better but he seemed very impressed, so…

The funny thing was that my sisters didn't receive anything and they were the ones who had boyfriends 😂

"She doesn't have anyone but she always receives gifts," was their grudging complaint.

But honestly, most of the presents I receive are from my college best friend whom I've vaguely mentioned here. My siblings assumed they were from men and for fun, I didn't correct them. Haha. So they got really envious during that 2020 Valentine's Day.

My little sister was particularly so excited for me and when she saw the guy, she kept gushing about how handsome he was because he looks like one of the famous actors here in our country. Too bad I loathe him.

I saw a message from him on Facebook asking about how I was with the typhoon and everything. The text was still from last year but with the shitty signal, I couldn't reply yet. The only apps I could access right now are Telegram and this. With others, it takes too long or it doesn't load at all. I'm not sure if he's still together with his girlfriend. The last time we talked, he said the girl found out about his infidelity and broke up with him. I was glad upon hearing this because the girl deserves so much better. We actually had an intense dispute about that because with everything he has done, he was still trying to defend himself and insisting he was true to his words and that he was still loyal despite having slept with a bunch of other girls. The fuck? In what universe? The fact that he kept his affairs a secret from his girlfriend was enough proof he wasn't being truthful. Ah, it's a long story and this diary is about me and not him, so whatever. Maybe the girl is stupid enough to still accept him and they got back together, who knows. He really is an asshole, though.

But I'm so happy I have more candles! Hehe. Cheerio!

Redzuan pamo's Dear Diary