Dear Diary,

I guess you can treat this as some sort of a reflection paper, but i cant believe how much i delayed watching this movie. I cried balls! This might just swoosh its way up to my top 10.

Considering that im carrying a lot of baggage right now, somehow it felt comforting how at the end of the day, the only words youd want to hear are the ones from your mom. Ironically, i do feel like my mom and i have a breached relationship. I think its because i knew deep inside me that i would do anything not to be like her. We are in that stage where we see each other everyday but appear as strangers. She feels like my polar opposite. Needless to say at some point we may have drifted apart as we took each other for granted.

I always saw my mother as a weaker side of me. We were always tipping on scales, whether which one lived materially better and which one lived a more emotionally fulfilling life. Normally, she would follow what her heart says so, in my case, I saw how much it costs when you always choose to be happy. She always believed that if something isnt for you, its not going to work out even from the beginning.

While my grandma was teaching me to persevere, there she was, living her best life by not desiring anything bigger. She looked contented, but as I was growing up wired differently as she was, I find myself keeping her emabarassed about the decisions she was making for herself. I never understood her. When i was younger we bonded so well, but i guess when puberty struck me i just had to find out what was good for me, and i just knew in order to have a better way of living i had to take the directions opposite from what she took. Maybe deep inside me it was my biggest fear, becoming like my mother, who got to drop out of college, never get married, and the one who met someone online and had a baby with that guy, who btw, left before the baby was even born.

But my mom had the purest soul. I knew she wasnt the strongest and so i had to make sure to always put on a brave face, because people see her kindness, a lot of people took more from her and she never harvested one bit of anger or regret to anything or anyone. Maybe this was a lesson that i shouldve known long ago. But this movie made me find a sense of compassion to the woman my mother is, the part of her that i never saw, because i was too caught up with being selfish. Maybe i was really the weaker one, because being vulnerable over and over again isnt a talent, but a skill coming from the purest of hearts.

I hope you watch this movie and take a lot from it if u havent known of it, i tell you, i still am crying right now while typing this lmao!

P.S: Good intentions is what you call to that of which your mom always has for you.

Zen's Dear Diary