Dear Diary,

I don’t want to fall in love again for a long time. I don’t want to let any guy into my heart because I am scared of getting hurt again. I don’t think I'll ever trust a guy again after what Jonathan did to me. I’ll never forget the horrible night when the truth came out. My heart shattered into million pieces when he confessed he never loved me because he loved his ex-girlfriend. I understand he couldn’t love me because his heart belonged to someone else, but what I can’t understand is why he would keep quiet about his true feelings the whole time and let me believe in an untrue, non-existent love. I trusted him my heart, relinquished my body to him, and gave him the best of me every day only to be left discarded with a broken heart. I am sorry for him because he left me for someone who doesn’t love him. She only lied to him about loving him back so he would leave me, but the moment he left me, she told him she was only lying to him. He came back begging me to take him back, but it was too late already. I want to be with someone who I am his first choice, not the back-up plan. He clearly regrets his choice of choosing her over me now that he realizes she isn’t a good girl like me, but I don’t care. The truth is I was never happy with him because something just felt off between us. I always had a presentiment he didn’t feel the same way about me, but I didn’t want to listen to it. I didn’t understand why I felt like there was a solid barrier between us I couldn’t break, like every effort I made to drive him closer to me was futile. It was horrible. It drove me to insanity seeing how whatever I did wasn’t enough for him. I cried myself to sleep so many nights trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, but I now know it was not my fault it didn’t work out. I don’t wish him ill even though he broke me because I am a good person. I really hope the girl who he chose over me realizes he truly loves her and takes him back because I want him to be happy. I didn’t have anything against this girl, but she has lately been trying to mess up my life. I don’t know why she is spreading false rumors about me on social media and criticizing me with her friends if I didn’t do anything to her. She was the one who destroyed my relationship and took the guy I thought I moved away from me without even wanting him for her in the first place. Now she is saying I am ugly and bragging about how Jonathan left me for her so easily. I won’t allow her to destroy my self-confidence because I love myself and know my worth. And no matter how many times Jonathan tries to cajole me into his arms again I am not coming back to him. It is done and over with.

Nobody 's Dear Diary