Dear Diary, today was my birthday. I’m 23 now. Had birthday blue 5 times in a row. Well I found that was a thing through googling. It’s not only me. Especially when we are facing a change :( and having no idea what to do :( and also struggling with mental health :( while there are no reason and should have been living happily.

My mom and I are birthday twins. Yay

But I think that’s not good and terrible when her child has birthday blue. Her hug is not tight at all usually. Like I feel almost nothing when I really need one from her. But she hugged me kinda tight today. I slipped my mouth last month that I am scared of starting to have suicidal thoughts by getting a job/ doing job interviews. I should not.

She listened to me from midnight to 4am 3 consecutive nights.

I really liked how me and my family spent a good time at a cafe in a mall before that happened. I really thought of ‘disappearing’ —which is not possible— cherishing that moment and also felt that’s so stupid and sad about it. and couldn’t stop cry that night. And I am crying by thinking about it eww

I will wait until I am able to celebrate my birthday with full of gratitude and no sadness.

What? What’s going on?

Baby thiss called birthday blue. You are just overthinking about your life, reasons why you don’t really need to be in that body but other soul that my family deserves as their family and the love that have been pouring into you until this day, and the future which looks miserable.

Well, baby, you don’t really think about it while you are listening to a good podcast show.

Bubblebreez's Dear Diary