Dear Unknown, its been so hard for me to live anymore. every time my life is going well theres always something that ruins it. not to also mention that i only have 3 friends now. i miss my old friends so much, but their moms told them not to talk to me after finding out that i cursed in school, but their parents dont know that their kids are the people that influenced me to curse. no ones believing me, including my mom. so my old friends are the ppl that influenced me to curse but still snitched on me to their parents. my reputation is so ruined in school now. it just hurts because i trusted my friends (that snitched on me). now in the next few years i probably will have strong trust issues.. i just wish it was easy to make new friends, but its not.

and i hate the fact that my ex bsf (now my friend) warned me about the ppl that snitched on me, i believed her at first, but after a while i somewhat reconnected to the ppl she warned me about. i wish anyone would have me as their first choice, but no. ill never be a first choice to anyone. and ever since my ex bsf (shes now my friend) reconnected to her old idiotic friend, they became bsfs right away, and i was left out ofc.

now i did hurt my ex bsf, but that was because i wasn’t expecting the consequences and i was mentally drained and hurt so i wasn’t really thinking about what could happen. ever since my ex bsf got a new bsf everything went wrong, and when they first reconnected i asked her why she was leaving me out with her new bsf, it was apparently bc she has known her new bsf for longer than i knew her, but they unfortunately disconnected.. but it really doesn’t matter how long u knew someone, it matters how much they love u and would sacrifice their life for you. and my ex bsf even told me how her new bsf was leaving her out often, it was so obvious that they aren’t meant to be lol.

but anyway i apologized to my ex bsf about how i hurt her, and how i recognized my mistake,, she forgave me! but then said that i should apologize to her new bsf too. i didn’t want to but i had to either way, so i apologized from her too, and she was just silent as she went away to her bsf (my ex bsf). then i just went to the bathroom and cried, bc i knew that she didn’t forgive me. then when i was washing my hands, my ex bsf and her new bsf came to me and they were like ‘hi!’ i was like ‘hey?..’ so my ex bsf was trying to make her new bsf shut up, but she wouldnt, she said ‘what u did is not okay’, then my ex bsf interrupted her as she said ‘no no don’t worry its okay’, but then again her new bsf had to say its not okay AGAIN. so my ex bsf looked at her new bsf the look of ‘SHUT UP’. they make me hate myself. and its so obvious that my ex bsfs mind is getting played by her new bsf.

till this day my ex bsfs new bsf waves at me from a distance, she thinks i dont hate her. but yk whats even worse?? is that my distance friend, (i got to know her bc my ex bsf introduced me to her) told me to come sit with her in break, and she told me how whenever she tried to talk to my ex bsf and her new bsf, they always told her to go away, i think its because they think im weird and bc shes hanging out with me, they treat her like that. its honestly so stupid + they always talk bad about me and tell my other friend to not talk to me bc im a bad person. they wont last long🤣.

LIFE IS MEANINGLESS. I WILL NEVER BE A FIRST CHOICE.

The_the's Dear Diary