Dear Diary,

Hey GUYS! Miss me? LOL I was off Monday And Tuesday. Those are pretty good days. First of all I ABSOLUTELY HATE MONDAYS, Tuesdays are okay but nahhh, I like my schedule. Notice anything different today? I'm not so moody, I'm more up beat. LOL my last few diaries you would have thought it was the end of the world but it isn't. God is real! I've always been close to god, He's what keeps me somewhat sane! He's still working on me I can feel it. There's so much he wants me to see and I pretend not to see it. How talented I am, How amazing of a person I am, He basically knows the real me and what I am really capable of.

And I try to see those same things, but sometimes my mind truly gets the best of me. I battle with my mind everyday to keep myself from Depression, Anxiety, It comes and goes but I just try not to dwell in it too much.

I've decided that this year is the year I face my fears and do what I ABSOLUTELY love, and that's music. I know what you're thinking, " Everyone does music " however I make good music, Music that's actually worth listening to. I have a gift. I've had this talent since the 6th grade, I've been writing songs for years, I am 26 years old and I am still writing. So I ask myself why keep 200+ songs in your notes when you can just record them, or show the world the real you? I look at what I went through and sometimes second guess myself, I never felt accepted by my family and " So called " friends, People close to me hurt me ( the ones I least expected to ) I've always been fearful of how other's view me, or what they think of me. So I say " If I drop a song one day, Actually blow up and get signed/deal, then those same people are going to notice me then, and I don't want to be famous and rich for people to notice who I am, because I am a Scorpio. IT WILL ALWAYS BE F*** YOU, We never forget how people treat us and once we don't care anymore it's just like you no longer exist in the world anymore, basically you fell off the face of the EARTH!. How come no one accepted the nice me? The humble me, The girl with the good heart and pure intentions? Huh? But then again I look at those same people, 9/10 they probably doing worst than me ( No offense ), People that don't actually have a talent/gift and then there's me, Someone who has that. I actually had another gift and that was a spiritual gift. Things always came quickly to me, I've been receiving so many angel number this past year, ( and really good ones, ones pertaining to my life), I always said to myself for years that " I am god's favorite Angel and literally BELIVED AND FELT as though.

My brother told me once that " FEAR WILL ROB YOU BLIND". To all my readers I just ask that if you have any talent, gifts, creativity or anything you may feel is your purpose of life, I say go for it. You only live once. Embrace those talents/gifts that god gave you. He gave it to you for a reason, don't waste it like I did. You know... I waited half a decade to finally and truly believe in myself. Be active this year. And remember GOD LOVES YOU! And Please be your own motivation!!!!!!!!!! Only you can change your life!

Janine's Dear Diary