Dear Diary,

We met at the school and made love on last time during her 1.5 hour break.
We did so intending to break up after, break up sex you could say.
This would've got the crushing lie off her chest that she was still dating me when her mom threatened her if she found out we were still together. I hope she feels free from it now.

Everyday I'm on the verge of tears and feel like I could shatter at any moment.
Mostly in my car, when I'm alone, where we had a lot of our memories together, and when my mind isn't occupied with the world wide web. I constantly am reliving our memories, my car was the only place we really had privacy so that's where the majority of our intimacies were, that's where she gave me her virginity, where we've cuddled the most, where we've kissed the most and I see those memories as if they're happening right in front of me. I see her and her gorgeous figure in my passenger seat singing along to every song on the radio, I see us holding each other and laughing in the back seat, I see us making out and loving each other. I'm glad I have these memories to see, but they hurt so much at the same time.

Whenever my mind is unoccupied with something else, it fills with the reality of my relationship with her and it always gets me so emotional. Unfortunately the majority moments are often when I'm out getting coffee or food for the family from a fast food restaurant and as I'm waiting to move forward in the line of people- out of nowhere comes this sudden wave of overwhelming emotional pain that I've been avoiding since we broke up.

I don't really fear her moving on anymore, at least not as much anyways or maybe it's just overwhelmed by us splitting so I feel that instead of anything else.

I just miss her so much, I don't wanna go a year without her, even if she never moves on from me I still don't wanna go a whole year away from her. Gosh this sucks. I really hope we work out in the end, I'll never want someone more than this, I'll never forget her and nobody could ever make me feel the way she does.

Bananaketchups's Dear Diary