[ENTRY 82..✍️]

A little before I headed out on Sunday to meet Erwin, another guy from Bumble asked me whether I had plans for that evening. This guy and I had exchanged texts more than Erwin and I ever did on the app. That is to say, I actually had a real conversation with this man and we vibed.

Bryce: "If you're free, I'd like to take you out on a late night drive and talk and listen to music, etc.. 😅"

Me: "Ugh, I'd love to. But…"

Bryce: "Haha. There's always that 'but'. Anyway, worth the shot 😊"

Me: "I already made plans with someone else..."

Bryce: "Ooh. I'm so sorry."

Me: "Tempting, though."

Bryce: "Well, if it doesn't pan out, I'm just here. Not that I'm hoping it wouldn't go well...😅"

Me: "Hahaha. I'm already having doubts tbh."

Bryce: "Is it a date?"

Me: "I don't know 😂. But I'm not sure I still feel like going."

Bryce: "If it ends early then, my offer still stands 😊"

Me: "Duly noted. I gotta go now."

Bryce: "Don't forget me, okay? 😂"

Me: "Haha. I won't 😂"

Bryce: "Alright, then. Have fun 😊"

And so Erwin and I met, as I've written in the previous entry, and the kiss disappointed me that I didn't care ever seeing him again. I didn't feel like going home yet after we said our goodbyes so I messaged Bryce to come pick me up. He was still at a family gathering but he said he'd make an excuse to get out. Long story short, I was in his car. He wasn't how I expected him to be at all ☹️ With Erwin, I was surprised but in a good way. With Bryce, it was the other way around. We drove around but it was already late at night and everything was closed. So we just went to his apartment, which, by the way, is so nice: to watch a movie. His salon was still under repairs because of the storm so we stayed in his room. His personal choice was a light-hearted romance but when he asked me what I wanted, I said horror. I intentionally did this because I didn't want to create a mood that would make things awkward. See the difference of my behaviour between him and Erwin? Hmm.. This set-up reminded me of three years ago again, when I was still with the aerodrome firefighter. I was at a friend's apartment that time and we were watching a movie as well. The atmosphere was so the same.

At first, I wanted to focus on the horror film but after a couple of minutes, Bryce began to entertain me with a chat. So we did. He's a pretty deep person but he has some principles I don't share with and it was slightly annoying when he would shake his head at mine and impose his own as something better. Or right. After some time, he suggested to spice up the night a bit by playing "Truth or Dare" or "Never Have I Ever", but these things aren't fun without alcohol and he didn't have any. And even if he did, I wouldn't play these games with him at all because I knew where it was going to lead to. So I somehow made it seem like I'd only play it if there was alcohol, already knowing he didn't have any.

We continued chatting and he began to lie down and put his head on my lap where I had placed a pillow because he was quite tired. And then I was fondling his hair just because. He was actually a pretty cool guy and respectful (he didn't make any unsolicited move to me at all). Sometimes, he'd rub my back but it was okay, it was harmless. Besides, it felt nice but I could only see him as a best friend material. Someone I'd go to when I needed advice or complain about some other man. He asked how my date went and I told him the guy and I kissed and that it was lousy. And that my wanting to spend time with him after Erwin was just out of impulse. I also apologized for making him escape the family gathering to come pick me up. When it was time to go (I told him my curfew was 1am), he tacitly suggested we "slow dance". LMFAO. Hell no. I could really tell he was trying to entertain me or make my stay worthwhile but having found we couldn't drink at a bar already disappointed me. I was also expecting an epic late night drive where he'd roll down the windows and I'd feel the wind on my face, singing out loud with the music blasting from his stereo, stopping at countryside parks to ride on a swing or see-saw.. Tss, fucking COVID.

Before I got out of his car when I arrived home, I hugged him good-bye and kissed his cheek, saying: "Thank you. Take care!" There was nothing special about our night at all but I think it was okay overall. When I shared my day to Chace, he went all: "Damn, lil bird. You're quite the player 😂" And it made me feel that way, too. Haha. Two guys in one night? I used to have no one.

Being with Bryce made me realize I preferred Erwin and regretted it deeply when I didn't kiss him more under the starry night. It was already such a romantic set-up. City lights, sea breeze, moon, stars, chilly air, attractive man, cute girl… Sigh. Despite my disappointment, it was a good thing I followed my impulse and went out with Bryce because now, I wanted to fuck my trial-and-error.

Autumn Blue's Dear Diary