Mother's day..

am i supposed to like this day??

cherish my mother..

after all the shit she has done to me?

after her crule words and inhumane taugntings of my life choices and work?

after the mental, emotional and physical abuse she allowed me to go through?

i am 20yrs old, living with friends... looking for work.. dropping out of college (a dream of mine since i was in middle school)

having to learn the outside world alone and afraid.

God blessed me with good people by my side... but i have never asked him as to why he allowed me to have blood relations with people who never wanted me in the first place.

i have been called stupid, idiot, fat, ugly, lazy, a no good for nothing bitch.

i am a virgin, never did anything sexual in my life, never even had my first kiss when they called me a whore the first time.

i dont even know what they expect from me... all they want is for me to be there for every beckoning call they have.

"go to the store and get me some onions?" when i am in thr middle of studying for a big test...

"get off your ass and help clean the house" when i am taking a test for my classes, or when it is 7am and just waking up from my 7am alarm.

"why are you so useless? be like your sister and get better grades!" yet i never have the chance to study or rest when i am over exauhsted... then fall asleep during exams.

after highschool ended those things got worse... and college became a fantasy for me.

an imaginary world that seems to be a forever impossible dream for me; at least for as long as they are in my life.

i dont wish for my family to become my enemies... but they are deffinatelu doing their best to have our relationship in those ways.

Friedchimken's Dear Diary