Dear Chloe,

hey today i don't know, work was good and i like what i am doing. But me, there is something wrong with me. I know it my mental illness, but......

So my mood changes, up then down the up then down down down then high high high. Its makes me feel crazy so screwed up. I feel like people runway from me. So i have this friend, known her since kindergarten, i lover her she is my best friend. But i feel that i push her away. That my emoticons and insecurities push and push till she runs and treats me with kid gloves. i want her to talk about what is going on in her life, like when she broke up with her boyfriend, when she is sad and why, how schools going. I want her to tell me when she is pissed at me, what i fuck up, things that i do that hurt her. i feel as if its my fault, that i have given her the impression that i cant handle things, that i am too fragile.

I want ti hurt myself, i want to feel. I feel numb and cold and sad but then i feel energetic, good happy, too happy. I could take over the world and yell at it. Dancing and singing in the street then down cant get out of bed so slow everything slow.

Bye, Chloe

McCalli 's Dear Diary