Dear Diary,

The whole routine went flying somewhere in the last week.

No excercice, no journalling, unhealthy eating, no meditation, no going to office, sleeping late, and no guilt for any of this =D.

But i am back.

I looked at myself today, my tummy has grown even bigger now, I am not sitting properly, I am eating everything, eating all the time.

I should get into better routine again. Its only one more month now before i go to mexico and meet my team. I will really fail on both the goals of learning spanish and looking better :(.

I still have time, but not so much.

With so much work at office, i dont have any time (Specially because i am working from home, so i am busy all day and night and still not meeting targets) . Will start going to office now and get some more time for myself. I also need to learn more stuff outside of work too.

The stuff at work is not enough for my growth.

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I am not missing her anymore, i swear. I mean in this week i did not miss her much. Did not idealize her, i clearly remember how she made me feel and how she was not right for me. Although, not falling in trap, but when i look at other couples(in movies/stories/real life), it seems the friction always exist b/w partners which you wont understand why, from outside it looks like if both people have mind and understanding the conflict should not exist yet it always does b/w two people. And i guess that comes from very strong individualistic sense of human beings. While in reality, on broader scale, it's the collective importance, but most people dont remember it most of the times (even when they know it).

Anyway, i dont idealize her now. Although i often get this feeling in a very neutral way, will i always be alone. I am not working towards seeking a partner in anyway right now. I am not even looking. I know it's all ok right now, i dont have to have a partner right now, i dont need one right now for sure.But i feel like i'll need someone who i can trust and who can trust me.

Anyway, the day was ok, i managed to complete some of the work. Got appreciation for few things. But that's a trap i am falling into, i am attaching myself to these little appreciations at work, i should not be.

I bought a toy drone, i had some fun with it, but thank god, i only bought the toy drone and not the bigger one, it would have been total waste of money. (Which i need to save). But i am learning to fly it now.

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What went well today

- I started the better routine again and came to journal here.

What did not go well

- I ended up working from morning 11 to night 12:30 yet not completing a lot of things.

- Eating irregularly and not doing exercise, i feel bloated in night.

Peacefully Chaotic's Dear Diary