He Didnt Have To Be

All I knew was i wanted to go an walk the lake... So I changed out of my out of my PJs an into some jeans an hoodie an jacket.. Put my batman beanie back on... Grabbed my house keys and a knife.. An i walked out to walk the lake... I started taking pictures.. An realized...i just wanted to sit on a bench on the lake and stare across at the Christmas tree display... And then it hit me...

Christmas is my step dads favorite holiday... He went all out... Real christmas tree every year... No matter what he said or said he he could no be contained... He always reminded us that he hated kids.. Pregnant woman... Woman.. Men.. Dogs.. Everything...but the reality was he had a heart of gold... The man loved everyone and hed give the shirt off his back literally if you needed it... Every year since our first christmas together we were spoiled.. With many of not all of our lost to santa as well as things we didn't think about that wed said wed wanted throughout the year... And things we never would have asked for...

Truth be told... I've been telling everyone im not celebrating this year... Said its gonna be to much without him... To hard after his loss... Truth im not realizing is I feel selfish celebrating without him... I feel angry because his gone... Pist because he just left us... And sad because the strongest man i know gave up on us... An took his own life... That man meant everything to me

.. He forgave me for things that i still feel today where unforgivable... Still loved me like his own daughter... His own blood after what I did... Was there when i needed to talk... When i was frustrated... When i was lost.. When I just started to find myself again... He was there when my heart was broke so many times... When my date n HS got drunk at a party an i needed a safe ride home... For my first car.. My first military ball.. My wedding... The birth if my kids... My first ticket... The first time an Every time i got promoted in ROTC... When me an my sister would fight... When me an my mom would fight... When i graduated high school... Everything... The man was everything an more in Brad Paisley's song "He didn't have to be"...

Kehy's Dear Diary