About the job I was applying for… I'm not betting on getting it. Nor am I hoping to. As I’ve said before, I only showed up for the interview mainly out of respect and gratitude to our cousin, Alice, since she was the one who referred me to their company when I asked her if they were still hiring for the Editor position.

However, to my misfortune, the spot was already full—YET!—our dear cousin still went on ahead and referred me to the Creative Marketing department, which I have absolutely no idea about, saying I should just give it a try.

And give it a try, I did.

Nah, I am literally not qualified for it. Even the interviewer was confused why Alice sent out my pathetic CV at all. So I got honest with the interviewer and told her I was initially applying for the Editor position.

Man, did the interview go so long! I felt so awful because I knew I was just wasting their time because the head of Human Resources really was considering me for the Visa Specialist opening, but in my mind, I was like: "I do not want this."

And there’s plenty of reasons why.

Don’t get me wrong. I tried to consider the idea of being committed to this dreary job, because I've read somewhere that.. sometimes, you have to work for something you hate to work for something you love. Even the 2nd interviewer told me: "I don't think you'd enjoy it at all."

But, no matter how much I put my mind into the whole thing, my entire being protested.

However, if others could endure such odiousness, then I probably could, too. Right?

Wrong.

I will not, for the love of me, endure such a job where:

1) The salary is garbage.

Yeah, sure, sure. It is "above minimum wage"—but to exert quality work, eight blasting hours a day, for something that doesn't pay enough for your effort and time, for something I already dread and hate just by the thought of it, is a nightmare to my lackadaisical arse.

2) The "days off" are greedy.

A day and a half?! Get outta here. I would be devastated by the loss of my leisure activities as I know I'd be spending every break I get sleeping. Ergo, if I am in any way depressed now, I will be even more later.

3) Location is shit.

Legit, it took me an hour and a half to get there. Double that and it would be 3 hours worth of travel back and forth.

Yeah, yeah, I’ll get the experience but will it all be worth it to my mental health?

Because if I'd get hired and start a career there, I know for sure that each night before I'd fall asleep, I'd think of ways of killing myself.

So overall my dear friend, I don’t think I’ll get it. I wasn’t selling myself out there. With the first interviewer, I showed a little “determination” to be hired, but when I had lunch and calculated everything in my head, I made my decision and got a little too comfortable with the 2nd interviewer. And by that, I mean, instead of confidence, I gave him my insecurities. Surely, they wouldn’t consider me anymore, as I’m confident there are way more qualified applicants than me.

“I’m considering you, but I have concerns…” the 2nd interviewer had stated.

“You have absolute reasons to be," I downright seconded.

“Based on your resume, and what you told me, it seems to me, like… you easily get bored.”

Spot on!

“So it’s a risk, you know," he continued. "You seem to have never committed to something… long-term. That’s probably why you’re single, yeah? You easily get bored with the men in your life?”

WTF?

Like I said, things got a little too personal between us.

Anyway, something else happened that’s a little… funny.

So I was taking this written exam in the same room and another applicant was with me, a guy with chinky eyes. It momentarily reminded me of my ex from last year. But the guy had a mask on so I couldn’t see his face. We both gave each other polite smiles and when the time was up, he suddenly talked to me and guess what?

He’s the younger brother of Don, my first crush.

What the flipping fuck.

You remember Don, you had a crush on him, too. Haha.

Honestly, I was a little surprised the younger bro recognised me at all because from what I can recall, the last time I saw him was when he was still a kid, and I was also still relatively a kid, but older than him. Plus, I’m not really on Facebook…

Hmm.. His sister and my younger sister are very good friends, though. And the said sister had also come over here a few times.

That’s probably it. Maybe he saw me from my sister’s Facebook page. Or maybe not so long ago in person and I just didn’t know.

I found the whole thing really uncomfortable, truth be told. Finding myself competing with a relative only augmented my reluctance for the job.

“By the way, do you and the other guy know each other?” the head of HR (my first interviewer), asked when we were heading out of the meeting room after our one-on-one.

“Actually, yes. He is also a cousin of Alice.”

“So is he your cousin, too?”

“Nah, we’re not really blood-related," I told her. "To be honest, I was really surprised because I had absolutely no clue who he was, and then he started talking to me and told me that he knows me. I was like—what the hell, Alice really pitted me against her cousin," I narrated and the head of HR laughed heartily.

Ah, I really don’t want to work. At least, not this way. Where superiors give me tasks..

I mean, I know I could land jobs with far greater salary than this one, but, all the same, I hate waking up so early in the morning and spending hours on end doing something for others you don't even enjoy.

I want to be my own boss.

And I thought how nice it would be to become an author ..

Writing whatever and whenever the heck you want and getting pleasure from it ..

Spending your days in idle or leisure as your novel keeps being distributed all around the world ..

Cha-chings piling up one over the other ..

That is, of course, if my literary œuvre becomes successful.

However, I'm gonna need an awfully long time to create a book worth publishing, so ideally, for the meantime, I have to earn money some other way because I don't see myself getting married any sooner, either.

I'm really starting to see how a paradise it would be to become a housewife while there's still no child in the picture, and your traditional husband is more than happy to have you home; knitting, crocheting, learning how to cook, or painting, baking, sketching, reading, gardening, and so many more. Of course, the best of all would be writing a novel, so if all goes well according to hopes and wishes, I could help my dearest partner and contribute with the finances. And maybe by then, I would be ready to have a child.

Oh, dear me. I might still sound spoiled and utterly delulu, but.. is this what they call womanhood?

Anyway, I have blabbered too much. How have you been, ma très chère amie? I hope everything's great there with you. I know how busy and hardworking you are, the total opposite of me, haha, so take it easy.

Can't wait to hang out with you again.

Fondly,

Your Childhood Best Friend

ImmaDoIt.Acapella's Dear Diary