Being able to write again made me feel alive once more.

Valentines and our first month after confessing is near. It's rare to find a genuine love and friendship in one person that's why I think I'm lucky enough to have you. It's been 4 years since we met, been friends and learned to like each other.

Alam mo at first natatakot ako, natatakot ako na mahulog that's why I'm trying my best to stop the feelings na hindi naman dapat kasi parang ang red flag naman to fall sa boy best friend mo because having you as a friend is better than not having you in my life at all pero when I asked you if anong gagawin mo once lumagpas sa friends 'yung tingin natin sa isa't isa and what if I confess then you answered "tatanggapin ko" "ba't irereject?" and the words na ang swerte ng lalaking pagcoconfessan ko kasi na sa'kin na lahat and you will support me kahit saan. Do'n ko na-realize na there's no reason para pigilan 'yung nararamdaman ko and I'll take the risk no matter what pero ire-ready ko muna 'yung sarili ko and I decided na sa recognition day or when we graduate next year pero... ba't mo naman ako pinangunahan hahahah, January 18, 2023, 12:24 a.m., siguro biglaan talaga 'yung mga tamang oras.

In the past 3 years sa'yo ko inopen lahat, sa'yo ko binubuhos kung gaano nakakapagod ang mundong 'to because I can't handle the feeling na I've been through a lot ta's hindi ko na alam if kaya ko pa ba o kakayanin ko pa. The feeling na you're always listening sa kahit saan, supporting me kung saan ako masaya, cheering me in every way you can and the effort that you're always putting para maging masaya and okay ako makes me don't want to lose you. I once said to my friend "s'ya na 'yung laging nandito hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kapag nawala 'to".

Until my guy friend during our Grade 6 days gets involve ulit sa'kin around November last year, we have the same mindset and naging reason to like him. He confessed agad na he like me and during our Grade 6 days din and I liked him back pero hindi nagtagal, maybe less than 2 weeks lang because it's hard to face him pero ibang lalaki 'yung nasa isip ko, I'm finding someone else presence na hindi naman dapat, I don't want to hurt him more, so I stopped and nag-explain. May mas reason pa talaga pero hindi ko sinabi because I feel na it's better to keep it incase na maka-feel s'ya ng guilt.

I just share some of these kasi some are unsaid words and a secret that I kept.

Incase you're reading this I want you to know that you are the unexpected person that became my favorite person and you will always my 11:11 wish. Thank You for letting me become part of your life and for loving me for who I am, believing in me even while I couldn't. Regardless of what happens to us in the future, I hope you know that I only wish for your happiness.

Little did I know that our friendship will take us here. No words are enough for you & please never let your smile fade away. Remember that you are always valued and loved.

Nicole Tesla's Dear Diary